Quarantings

Do with this information as you will.

My brother collects turtles. Not of his own accord, but because he once told my parents, “I like turtles.”

Since this egregious error, my parents have gotten him turtles for every gift-giving holiday, even non-gift giving ones. He doesn’t have the heart to tell them “not that much," and now it’s too late.

They do this for me with Abby Cadabby from Sesame Street.

While working on this one, my neighbor asked me what I did for fun. I gestured to this and she said thoughtfully, “Ah… no friends.”

And that’s how I was guilted into agreeing to a blind date with her son.

Who the hell are these people?

Doing chalk art during a wind advisory is like doing chalk art normally, but every two minutes someone punches you in the face and throws all your chalk into a nearby creek.

Happy birthday, kiddo. I hope this was worth my scratched retinas.

This isn’t chalk, but it’s here anyway.

My sister, Chloe, just had her first breakup. (Ty, if you’re reading this, you suck, and you’re failing remedial math.)

She was feeling down, so we put on music and makeup and this was the outcome. Doesn’t she look fantastic?